rouble with the boss's wife

rouble with the boss's wife

rouble with the boss's wife

• Published: 3/08/2011 at 12:00 AM
• Newspaper section:

Dear Khun Munthana,

My name is Srisuda. I am in my mid 30s and a graduate from a secretarial school in the UK. I have worked as an executive secretary mainly for companies managed by leading expatriates for the past 10 years. Prior to that I spent five years as a pool secretary providing admin support to expatriates.
I am writing to you for advice because early this year my former boss returned to his home country after spending four years in Thailand and now I have a new farang boss. The guy is fine and I have no problems working for him - as outlined above, I have good experience working with foreigners. However, the new man is married to a local lady who used to work in a pub in Pattaya. Part of my role requires me to give some support to this women - travel arrangements, salon and hotel bookings etc. But I have to admit that I feel awkward dealing with her, mostly because of her lack of social graces and skills. For example, she recently attended the company's 10th anniversary blessing ceremony dressed like a supermodel, i.e. with lots of flesh on show, which I thought highly inappropriate. At company parties she has dressed provocatively, on a number of occasions quite obviously not wearing a bra. The fact is she is rather coarse and draws attention to herself by talking and laughing loudly. When she and her husband visit our offices in other countries (Thailand is our Asian hub) she asks me to contact the country manager at their destination to schedule her a car and a driver/assistant for the purposes of shopping!
I have mentioned her dress sense to my boss in a very light-hearted way but he seems happy that his wife is "so vivacious and out-going". I think locals and expats have a different outlook when it comes to such women - while I find her behaviour boorish, I acknowledge that she can speak reasonable English, likes a good time and must be fun company for her husband.
However, the situation is becoming more difficult from my point of view because some of our directors have started to complain about the wife's behaviour and are pressuring me to deliberately exclude her from company activities. They have also asked me to broach the subject of her behaviour with my boss.
What should I do? I admitted that I do not like having to deal with her - in fact I feel I shouldn't have to in the first place - but the situation is becoming very personal and I am frankly uncomfortable about raising it with either the boss or his wife. Should I look for a new job? Please help.

Srisuda

Dear Khun Srisuda:Your story makes me think of an old song, Love Me, Love My Dog, except in this instance it is a case of "love me, love my wife". This is an unusual situation because in my experience most spouses of CEOs tend to be well groomed, educated and socially sophisticated. In the same way that the wives of diplomats are sometimes screened before an overseas posting, I believe that some big international companies do a similar thing because they view the CEO's wife as also being an ambassador for their company. I truly understand your position, you are caught between "a rock and a hard place". If your boss is happy with his wife's dress code and behaviour, who are you to tell him otherwise? You are his secretary and it is not your duty to give him advice on such a personal matter. However, I do think that if the directors you mention want to raise the issue with the boss then they should do so themselves. As senior company colleagues or peers of the boss, their view point should come across as culturally objective rather than as a personal slight. By all means tell the directors that you have tried to test the water and that the result was negative. And do not be afraid to say that you are uncomfortable with pushing the matter further with your boss.
Regarding a change of job, I don't think this is necessary and you shouldn't feel worried. If the directors raise their concerns over the wife's behaviour, you will see the change. Your boss has two choices: either he talks to his wife and asks her to modify her behaviour so that she "fits in" more or he doesn't and runs the risk of alienating his senior colleagues, which may well have ramifications for his (and by extension his wife's) future in Thailand.